Attack iguanas

Before anybody accuses me of being iguanist, I should begin by assuaging anybody's fears that I am advocating indiscriminate drubbings of these gentle reptiles.

The train of thought began one perry-fueled lunchtime following a brief discussion around the difficulites of speying an iguana. The creatures can hold their breath, apparently, giving the impression that they are anaesthetised, only to "wake up" some minutes later and attempt to crawl off the operating table, leaving their innards behind, somewhat disappointingly.

We mused on the possibility of using the animals' ability to hold their breath, along with the Galapagos iguanas' well-developed swimming capability and sharp claws, to produce a strain that could be trained to swim out to enemy warships with a mine and cling to their hulls.
Talk rapidly turned to the possibility of training the beasts to fly fighter jets; now I'm no herpetologist, but I'm damn sure that the lack of opposable thumbs would prevent an iguana from grasping a joystick. Bobbo suggested that the application of Velcro to front feet and the joystick might be a form of workaround but Cripplit rapidly pointed out that this would prevent the iguana from pulling the eject handle and thus constitute a safety hazard.

The debate concluded that iguanas would be a most ineffectual ally in a combat situation and we resolved that we should all watch our backs if we were ever unfortunate enough to be drafted into a mixed human/reptile fighting force, especially if the iguanas were flying the planes.

LargetrouserS: For your glistening pleasure