Ass lickers

Good evening, and apologies for the temporary hiatus in service.

Tonight we return to an animal theme. The other day, fueled up on a heady concoction of canteen super-saturated lipids and chemically enhanced beverages ("lime", "flavour", "diet", "cola" is a current favoured nutri-narcotic), conversation turned to the surprising recent upturn in the price of donkeys. It would appear that the recent "Shrek" films have enhanced the image of these traditional beasts of burden, such that they have become the must-have urbane pet of the moment.

Those of you who have watched disappointedly as your carefully nurtured sea monkeys fail to sport little crowns and perform acrobatics and stubbornly remain featureless specks, will recognise the way in which the pet donkeys become abandoned in the back garden after they refuse to repeatedly make weak wisecracks and partake in discourse in a jingoistic black patois.

Left at the bottom of the garden, perhaps used to store tools or as mobile planters for spring bulbs, the donkeys are now suffering.

One enterprising idea may be to rehabilitate these equine outcasts as part of a service to city dwellers. Many apartment dwellers have both windowboxes, which having been enthusiastically planted in the spring soon beceme unkempt miniature jungles, and windows, which are notoriously difficult and dangerous to clean at heights.

Dangling Donkeys (TM) Ltd. will solve both problems by carefully lowering donkeys over the sides of large apartment blocks. When the donkey is level with the window of a paying customer the operator will stop lowering the donkey, which will proceed to munch the excess herbage from the windowbox before licking the window clean. Small oscillating movements may then be used to scrub the donkey against the pane to dry the window,providing the customer with a sparkly clear view, unobstructed by wilted daffs.

Of course, there is always the danger that instead of falling on your arse, your ass might fall on you.

A full business plan and cashflow forecast will be available soon for interested investors.

LargetrouserS: Orange is the pigment of my imagination